Four years and two days

Six years ago, the weekend I just experienced would have been unfathomable. Back then my mom had just been diagnosed with cancer. I was withdrawn from my friends and spending every waking hour outside of work helping and taking care of her. "Free time" meant a half hour to decompress before bed after my mom settled in for the night. I was getting up early every morning to help her get ready and take her to work, while my weekends were filled with chores and shopping. The idea of a vacation wasn't just out of the question, it was the last thing on my mind! Don't get me wrong: I wouldn't trade any of the time I spent for the world.

That's why, as I boarded a plane to Orlando for a short two-day trip this past Saturday morning, my thoughts turned to my mom and how fortunate I am right now. Spending a day meeting up with friends made online, an evening experiencing some of the most ambitious dishes from some of the country's best chefs, and the following day learning from, and even meeting, some pretty famous people wasn't in the cards not that long ago.

I'm sure some people see that I've gone to Disney again and go "well that's stupid". But after four years of constant care and attention that required every bit of my focus, these trips that resumed months after my mom's passing in 2017 are alternately exhilarating but also bittersweet.

I realize how lucky I am to be able to get away as often as I do and it's not something I take for granted. Some people scrimp and save for years just to make one trip to Disney, but the truth is, one of the consequences of the most heartbreaking event in my life is that I'm now able to travel where I want and when I want. Between my Vacation Club membership and my annual pass, most trips only cost me airfare (helloooo Southwest sales!) and whatever food I decide to eat.

In a way, I'd like to think that my mom is smiling down every time I go. We both shared a love for Disney, and on one recent trip I wound up in a room number that matched part of her social security number of all things. It's a little sign. It might mean nothing... but it could also mean just about everything.

Myself and Disney Legend Bob Gurr

The great unknown that is our lifespan is one of the reasons that drove me to head to Florida for just two days. For the chance to meet an 87-year-old who created some of the greatest theme park attractions ever and worked alongside the great Walt Disney himself, and the 76-year old man who was hand-picked by Walt to portray Tom Sawyer, as well as the man who brought "The Dreamfinder and Figment" to life at Epcot in the 80's who is having major health issues of his own (Figment, by the way, sat on my mom's desk at her job for the better part of 20 years and now resides on mine).

Ron Schneider (left) the original "Dreamfinder & Figment"

None of us knows how much longer they'll be around, nevertheless how much longer each of us has on this Earth. Did I "waste" a weekend in Florida, or did I make the most of it? I guess it all depends on how you look at it.

Insomniac ramblings

Sleep can be elusive. When I laid my head down on my pillow two hours ago I was ready to pass out. Then the wheels started turning. And once that happens, well... forget it.

Somehow my random mental train of thought in all that tossing and turning brought me back to my blog. Here we are, nearly two years since my last post and nearly 15 years after I began it. I find it hard to keep up with, but it’s also a tantalizing way to share what’s running through my mind in certain moments. Tonight as I looked back at my college days, I began reflecting on how much I have changed in that nearly half a lifetime.

What would the sheltered, introverted, and awkward kid I was back then think of the person I’ve become? What would he think of my life choices? My career choices? And what would I think of that kid if I ran into him now? He’s still fundamentally me but in a lot of ways circumstances have changed me to become a much different person over the last few years. Would the younger me be proud? Would he even recognize who he has become?

From the kid who would freak out on unfamiliar roads to the guy who is now traveling internationally solo. From the kid who idolized the news business to the middle aged man who is thinking about leaving it behind for something different altogether. From the meek Disney fan to the outspoken guy who owns a piece of the World. I’ve grown into my skin and become comfortable with who I am, perhaps now more than I ever have been in the 36 years I’ve been on this planet.

Yet while some things change others remain a constant. I still struggle with my weight. With forging and maintaining lasting relationships. And both need to be my focus as I approach my 40th birthday in a few years. My physical and mental health is in my hands and my resolve must be stronger than ever.

This blog is proof that I’m not getting any younger (that plus my receding and graying hairline). If I want to grow to a wisened and ripe old age I need to take better care of myself and those around me. After all, I’ve done a lot of growing over the history of this blog but I still have a lot more to learn and experience.

Looking back is thought-provoking, but looking forward is inspiring. I look forward to a lot more posts to come, with this post serving as a positive turning point in my overall journey. Thanks for reading this far! And I swear: I’m not high and/or drunk... just in a deeply reflective mood.😀